Come See Our Home Equity!
Article: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/come-see-our-home-equity
In Come See Our Home Equity! author Kate Hahn caustically writes about owning a new home and the banker who led her astray. Despite clearly being written by a bitter homeowner, Hahn still manages to keep the article interesting. Through the usage of syntax, diction, and detail Hahn is able to keep the article real and entertaining.
When it comes to syntax in this piece there are couple aspects that stick out to me. First, there is not much variety in sentence length and structure. Almost every sentence is on the shorter side, some only a few words, and there are numerous dependent clauses all throughout the article. I feel that by constructing her article this way Hahn has given the reader the sense of being spoken to directly. There is the feel of Hahn being right in front of you and telling you her story; the shorter sentences giving the impression of following someone's train of thought. Personally, the shorter sentences also gave me the impression that Hahn was mocking the person who assured her it was all just a part of "home equity", which leads me to my next observation. Hahn repeats the phrase "home equity" many times throughout the piece (okay, I counted, it's only 6 times but it feels like more) and the word "koi" 7-8 times. I believe that Hahn was trying to emphasize these two words/phrases for a reason; they were the two things her banker advised her on and assured her it would be okay and are actually ruining her. Hahn's use of short sentences and repetition give the audience the sense that they are being directly spoken to be a real person who is bitter about her bankers advice.
Over the course of the article there is a shift in diction that seems to follow a shift in the story. In the beginning, when Hahn and her husband were well off and living the good life, there was more elevated diction used. Phrases like "artisanal salami", "sage ice cream", "mansion in...gated exurban community", and even "koi" gave a higher class feel to the article. But as the piece progressed the diction shifted to more colloquial diction. Artisanal salami changed to hot dog. Hahn claims her husband is out "fracking", which I feel I can safely say is not a very high class description. Diction also lends itself to the sardonic tone seen throughout the piece. "I'm probably exaggerating. I seem to imagine a lot of things now that the television has been repossessed. And the way this place echoes without the furniture plays tricks on my mind." Though the diction in this quote may not seem particuarly special, I feel it lends itself to the sardonic tone heard throughout the piece, of Hahn mocking her banker and belittling him.Through the shift of diction and the sardonic tone expressed in the article, Hahn keeps the article entertaining for her audience.
This article is riddled with specific details. From the type of foods eaten (artisanal salami, sage ice cream, Costco bread) to the koi ("rare kind, flown in first-class from Japan", "as big as Shamu", having front legs and so "slither-walking"), these specific details lend themselves well to the piece and even help portray certain images throughout the piece. Hahn has sentences loaded with specific details. When talking about her husband Jason, she says, "He's out fracking in Montana with a former real estate appraiser named Brooklyn now." which is very specific. The smell of "home equity" described is also very specific, stated to be "quite fetid. Dead leaves and clay...of course the koi waste". The use of specific details adds to the entertainment value of the article, though some of the details are a bit exaggerated, and so keeps the reader hooked.
Hahn does a very good job crafting this piece. She is able to give the reader the sense that she is speaking directly to them, as one does in person, through the use of shorter sentences and is able to emphasize certain points and aspects of her tale with repetition, diction, and specific details. Her fall in class is highlighted through her change in diction (elevated to colloquial) and her sardonic tone is kept through diction. Interesting specific details keep the reader hooked and entertained throughout the article. All together the clever use of syntax, diction, and details produce a creative take on a bitter story.
Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteI nearly wrote about this article as well, and I thoroughly enjoyed it when I first read it. You commentary on specific diction and how it creates a sardonic tone was spot-on, not saying that the other paragraphs weren't, but I just liked your explanation and enjoyed Khan's usage of those words like "koi" and "artisanal salami." The one point of contention I have for you would be that "fracking" is actually a lucrative position rather than the low-class assignment you give it. Fracking, or using water to drill for natural gas, is quite a booming business for those who succeed in it, and the fact that this woman's husband is out in Montana drilling for fuel with a new woman makes it seem like he's better off than he was before. However your statement about the diction of "fracking" is correct, as the term is a colloquialism for "hydraulic fracturing." But, other than that one little piece that really didn't affect the rest of your piece, everything was peachy keen.
Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteWhat a delightfully bitter article you chose. It so subtely exposed the various ways the author got screwed over by life. I love it
I was going to comment on the fracking thing, but Drew took care of that nicely. Thank you Drew.
Your pointing out the sardonic tone of the article was, I think, one of the most important points to be made about the article. The language Hahn used was vague but managed to hint fairly obviously the difficult nature of her situation being stuck with her stupid high-class house.
As for the diction, I agree that the diction worked to emphasize the luxury of the house and the status of the speaker and her husband, but I also think it pointed out the ridiculous nature of the entire situation. Calling salami "artisan" and even acknowledging the existence of "sage ice cream" automatically makes one pompous, something the author worked well into the article while making her point.
On that note, this is a splendid post. I would suggest going through and checking for grammar errors and perhaps fleshing out your ideas further (Specifically in the details paragraph) and you'll be golden. Overall, well done!
Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteBella and Drew pretty much commented on most the important things in your essay. I would agree that it is very nicely done though! It was a great article to pick:) You did a nice job of explaining all of your claims. I really liked how you commented on the shift in diction. That is something that is often not talked about or picked up on but you did a great job explaining it and backing it up with details. Like Bella mentioned, the only thing I would say to watch out for is grammar errors. I myself have this problem a lot since I am more worried about the content of the essay than how it sounds. Overall, nice job! I can tell you put in a lot of effort into writing this!
Caitlin--You do a great job picking up on the significant details, but sometimes don't draw the most clear and thoughtful conclusions possible from the evidence that you find. Your thesis, for instance, could be stronger--what does it mean to "keep [an] article real"? In the sense of the urban slang term popular in the 1990's? ("Keepin' it real"?) Or do you mean "realistic"? If so, what would either one of these things actually mean? How would your evidence demonstrate this? And is the effect of the short sentences that of speech or thought? These two things are quite different. And why would short sentences=mockery? I could go on, but you get the point--you need to really think carefully about what you want to claim and whether you can legitimately tie your evidence to that claim with reasoning most people will accept as logical.
ReplyDelete