emphasize, by contrast or comparison, the distinctive characteristics and qualities of the main
character. For example, the ideas or behavior of a minor character might be used to highlight
the weaknesses or strengths of the main character. Choose a novel or play in which a minor
character serves as a foil for the main character. Then write an essay in which you analyze how
the relation between the minor character and the major character illuminates the meaning of
the work.
3A
did a fairly good job answering the prompt. As I have not read this book it was
a bit hard for me to understand the argument but through the description in the
essay the character Huang Taitai did seem to be a good foil for Lindo Jong. It
does a good job using examples from the book to show just how he foils her.
There was a lot of evidence in this essay and a lot of plot summary. In my
opinion there was too much plot summary, for a while I lost sense of what the
essay was about and was lost within the summary. Another problem I had with
this essay was that it seemed to me like the essay was less about the foil of
the characters and more about how Lindo Jong was able to realize her self-worth
and strength and the overall meaning of the book. For me, it wasn’t a bad
essay, I’m just not completely convinced it answered the question asked.
3B
was a slightly confusing essay to read. I can where the essayist was going, but
I think they went about it the wrong way. When reading this essay it does not
seem like Celie’s father is the foil the essayist chose for Celie, which is what
the author intended. By mentioning Shug and Shug’s independence, something
Celie doesn’t have, it seems that the author intends for Shug to be the foil. Having
to decipher who was really the foil for Celie, to me, was confusing and
annoying. Another thing that bothered me in this essay was the mentioning of
Maslow’s hierarchy. To be honest, I’m not sure at what the author was trying to
say by mentioning this. I think the point of the hierarchy reference was to
show the steps through which Celi reached self-actualization but if this idea
was to play a significant part in essay I feel it needed to be expanded upon.
Overall I think this essay was only half there; it had the frame to potentially
be a good essay but it fell short when aspects weren’t fully explained or
expanded upon.
3C
was very painful for me to read. Firstly, there was no variation in the
sentences or their structure and there were no transitions between the
sentences and paragraphs making this essay very choppy. Secondly, this essay
didn’t really have a thesis, and the sentence that could be considered the
thesis is very weak (“Baba is a foil to Hassan in many ways. He emphasizes the
good qualities in Hassan.”). This weak thesis did not set up for a successful
essay and all of the evidence used in the essay was barely discussed, not enough
to prove the thesis. What really bothered me was the essayist seemed to write
the essay as if everyone has read The
Kite Runner. Having read the book, I can understand some of what is
referenced in this essay, but if I hadn’t I don’t think I would have understood
the argument at all. Overall this essay was very poorly written and to say this
essay even has a skeleton would be an overstatement.
Hi Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I liked how you posted the prompt for us - I never even thought of doing my peer reviewers such courtesy. Next time around, it would be helpful to give a score for each prompt so as to give something to judge on. Great analysis on the first response - you immediately hit on important issues such as direct evidence vs. plot summary. However, you may want to comment on the actual composition of the response, as that is a key point in the AP Essay rubric. These critiques are valid for your second response as well. In your second response, you hit key points like how the author didn't have enough understanding in his/her analysis, but you could do more in commenting on the quantity of support and the overall composition of the essay (organization, thesis, etc.). Your third analysis is spot on and can be used as a prime example for future analyses.
Great job overall, Caitlin!
I am going to second what Debra said about including the scores of the essays -- it would give us a better frame of reference while reading your analyses. Also, in your first and second analyses I would like to see some quotes of the essays to back up your claims about the poor structures and miserable comparisons. One more thing that I would like to see added is which book/play each student chose. I wonder if you made a conscious effort not to include the titles in your first two analyses because you had not read the books yourself (since you included the third title, the only one you had read) and you were trying to put the reader in the same place, which, if that's what you were going for, is an interesting choice, but it would be helpful for us to know what the reader was talking about. For example, though I recognize it by the characters' names, someone else who has read The Color Purple, but can't recall the names of the characters and would like to try to make connections themselves wouldn't be able to based on the information you provided. Other than those few things I would ask you to think about next time we have to write one of these, I think that you did a good job with the analyses you provided :)
ReplyDeleteCaitlin,
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I am going to third what Debra said. To give what you would grade these essays would be helpful to both us and yourself. Helpful to us because we could gauge your overall opinion of the essay that the student wrote and read your justification. Helpful to you because by judging others you may be able to judge yourself and thus learn by reading your own essays what you could improve upon. Knowing you, there is little to improve on, but still.
Talking about improving, I think that you could add more evidence to your essay. It is all nice and dandy to read your opinion on the essays written by the student, but unless you back your opinion with evidence, that is all it is. An opinion. Give us textual evidence, give us direct quotes. Give us why and how you reached this conclusion. This exercise in analyzing and logical reasoning could improve your writing ability even more. Possibly.